Between Everything and Us Read online

  “Beau.”

  “Mati,” he whispers over the waistband of my panties. He licks a small line over my hipbone, then blows a stream of air that makes me forget my question.

  He’s doing something wicked to the back of my knee when I say, “Remember what you told me you’d do?”

  His eyes go wide, and his grip tightens. I think I’ve said the wrong thing so I reach out for him, but he sinks between my legs.

  “I’ve dreamt about it.” He kisses me so softly, his lips gentle. Still, this must be what it’s like to be struck by lightning. I feel as though I’m going to come apart. In a good way. I’ve never liked having a guy go down on me because it’s weird usually. But I…I rake my fingers into his hair, surprised that I like this with him, too.

  “I want you,” I whisper. “More.” I push up to my elbows and meet his surprised look.

  “You’re not a one-night stand to me.” The way he says those words isn’t so much a warning, but a promise.

  “I know.” His hair hangs in front of his eye, and I brush it back, cupping his cheek. “I don’t have a clever pickup line to use, but sleep with me?”

  He smiles. “I have slept with you.”

  I grin back. “Take off your boxers.”

  “Why?”

  His hands are over mine when I sit up and pull at the waistband until his cock springs out. I lean forward and take him in my mouth, swirling my tongue up his length.

  He softly moans in the back of his throat, so I do it again, then pull back to look up at him. “That’s why.”

  I follow as he lies back, bracing myself over his naked body. He’s salty in my mouth, and I wrap my hand around him. I close my eyes and listen to his soft groans, feeling myself brace the edge of some new sort of independence.

  Beau cups my face and draws me up his body for another long, deep kiss until my head spins.

  “Another time, baby.” Beau knocks over his wallet and keys as he fumbles for the drawer of his bedside table. “I don’t want to wait.” He’s flipped us before I can think better of it. His weight rests on his arms as he levers over me. I watch quietly as he slips on the condom, reaching out to help him when his hand shakes.

  Our eyes connect, and we freeze. If we fall, then we fall. If we fail, then I’m going to enjoy the time before we do.

  We meet each other in the middle for a kiss as he pushes inside me, swallowing our mutual moans. We rock together, in a quick, desperate rhythm. I can’t remember why we waited so long.

  He sucks at the hollow of my throat and drives into me again. My mouth opens, no sound comes out. With the way I feel, the pleasure that’s slowly sinking into every corner of my body, I swear he’s taking me apart and making me his.

  Everything skips ahead—our breathing, my heart, time.

  Beau

  It’s the hottest, most gorgeous sight, watching Mati move below me, watching her fall open to me.

  Her eyes are shuttered behind those long lashes of hers. She grips her fingers into my shoulder and tilts her hips to meet mine. I pull her knee up, sinking in deeper, lost in that throaty moan of hers.

  It makes my body burn. I’m hers.

  The burning bursts into a fire. I’m close. Shit. I don’t want to be close. I shut my eyes and slow down, trying to think of anything other than the way she feels around me. How this is as fucking great as life gets.

  That this is…

  Her hand runs down my spine and settles at the base of my back, then pulls me toward her, whispering in my ear. Whispering something I’d never thought I’d hear Matisse Evans ever say. We’re back to moving as if there isn’t time, as if we might realize this is a mistake, but holy fuck this isn’t a mistake.

  I want her to feel good. I want this to mean more than just fucking and… My body is burning again. It feels so good, so right…and I don’t…shit.

  I come.

  Fuck.

  I kiss her forehead, my breathing ragged, trying to catch up to a fucking bad mistake. I bow my head besides hers.

  “That wasn’t…” My words fall away when her hands skate up my back. I shiver. I don’t think she has a damn clue what she does to me.

  Her body shakes beneath mine. I draw back, pulling out of her, then glance down at her trying to stifle a giggle. She reaches up and wipes at my forehead. A soft smile spreads across her lip. Hell if she doesn’t look sexy like this, all relaxed and dreamy. Happy.

  “It’s not funny,” I say. “That wasn’t supposed to happen, but you felt so fucking good and I’ve waited so long—”

  She cups my face and draws me down to her mouth, kissing me, stemming my words.

  “It’s okay,” she says when we break apart. “Really. I’m not going anywhere.”

  It’s not okay. It’s not close to being fucking okay. This isn’t how I wanted to start things between us. I want her to be happy, to be satisfied. I want more than to suck in bed with Mati. It’s important that I keep her happy.

  “It’s your turn next,” I whisper in her ear. “I’ll be right back, and I’ll take care of you.”

  “I have an early morning,” she says.

  Disappointment sinks into my stomach. Shit. I wanted more than this for her. I’m better than this.

  She feathers kisses over my face, forcing my eyes to meet hers. “I’ll take a rain check.”

  “Stay. At least.”

  “I should go to my room in case anyone notices. We’re going to have to tell them. I don’t want it to be weird if Ethan catches me coming out of your room in the morning.”

  “We can watch a movie together.” I grin, laying on the charm. Laying on anything if it’ll make her stay with me.

  “You drive a hard bargain, Beau.”

  “I’ll drive you. Hard.” I waggle my eyebrows. “Stay with me.”

  Mati kisses me, then pushes against my chest, rolling away to skip across my bedroom to gather her clothes. She surprises me and steals my T-shirt. It slips over her body, cotton sliding down her skin like water over river stones. I think it’s my favorite T-shirt now.

  Her legs are so long, so quick as she rushes up to me while I lie here and watch her and crave her. We’re not done yet. I don’t want to be finished tonight. I want to hear those words spill from her lips again. I want to hear that she stills wants me.

  I grab her ass as she leans over to kiss me, trying my best to topple her back into bed.

  “Will you go on a date with me Friday night?”

  Her mouth traps mine for another kiss, a kiss that tells me she’s not finished with me. That this wasn’t a random hookup. “Okay,” she says, breaking away. She traces her hand down my chest, lower, then winks and pulls her hand away before she reaches the best part. “Goodnight.”

  I guess we’ll figure all of this out tomorrow.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Matisse

  Aubrey’s texting on my bed as I fling clothes out of my closet in a giant heap. I pick up a red dress and think about it, but it has a tear and it might be too tight. I frown and toss it over my shoulder.

  “Omigod, pick something already.”

  I sink to the floor and bury my head in my hands. I can’t do this. This is a terrible idea. Things with Beau and me are good in his bed—why do we need to go outside and pretend be a real functional couple? Oh God, is that what we are now? Am I his girlfriend?

  I groan, tossing myself onto the floor. I stare up at the ceiling, completely mortified. Frozen. Why am I so nervous?

  “Clearly, we have a situation here,” Aubrey says, standing over me. “And Prince Not-So-Charming is going to be here in—” She checks her phone. “—twenty minutes.”

  I groan again. “Grab my phone and text him that you need me for the night. I can’t do this. This is a huge, huge, mistake.”

  “I don’t think so. This was a long time coming. You’re getting dressed, and you’re going.”

  “I can’t,” I say, sitting up. “I have nothing to wear.”

  Aubrey nods, the
n bends over and starts throwing clothes back into the closet. “You have plenty. You’re just scared.” She combs through the pile on the floor. “Try this on,” she says, shoving a simple black dress in my direction.

  It still has the tags on it. I thought it would be too tight, but it looks good on. The neckline is lower than I usually wear, and it’s lacy. The back is my favorite—scooped low, skimming the base of my spine.

  “You take one first.” She pours two shots and shoves one in my direction. “I’ll take mine after the winged liner. I don’t want you looking like a raccoon.”

  I tip my head back and swallow, the burn of whiskey radiating down my throat and sinking into my belly. When I glance back at Aubrey, she’s wearing a smile and hands me the second shot. I don’t question her. I take it, relaxing finally when she sits me down to start my makeup.

  Aubrey taps a bright, cherry red over my lips, her eyes focused. I try not to fidget, but the front door opens and my heart lurches against my ribcage.

  She laughs softly. “You’ve got it bad, Evans.”

  A knock sounds on my bedroom door. Noah and Hunter laugh in the living room, then Ethan yells before the air horn goes off. I close my eyes and shake my head, mouthing at her not to answer. I’m not sure I’m ready.

  “Chicken,” she whispers.

  I am—shit, I really am. I can make room in my life for him. I want to. I want to know what it’s like to finally let someone in—the good and bad.

  “Mati?” Beau knocks at my door again.

  I hear Aubrey open the door as I gather up my makeup. I let out a slow breath before I have the nerve to open my eyes, meeting Beau’s stare.

  “Hey,” he says, clutching onto the doorknob.

  “Hi.” My voice is so small compared to the storm inside me. Everything rushes and spins.

  Aubrey clears her throat. “Well, have fun, kids.” She winks at me, then leaves.

  It’s going to be one of those nights where you come back to your bed changed. It’s the type of change that might be minute, a small shadow compared to the larger picture of you, but it’s still different. In the morning, you’re another person. You can’t erase nights like this from you or your life. They’re the ones that mold you into that old woman who rocks by the window, remembering that time when.

  I’ll remember this. I’ll remember the way Beau is staring at me now, his eyes so full of appreciation and affection…maybe love.

  Except I can’t fall in love with him. It’s too early for us to deal with that complicated mess. There’s no guarantee that if we fall for each other, there’s going to be something solid beneath us.

  “Are you going to say something?” The words stumble out of my painted lips as though Aubrey used superglue instead of lipstick. “I can change if…”

  Beau grabs my hand when I reach for my wristlet on the bedside table and draws me close. His lips brush against my hair. “Don’t change. You look…” He kisses the side of my face, three soft pecks that trail to the corner of my mouth. He licks my lips. “Delicious,” he finishes on an uneven whisper.

  I sway into him, gripping his button-up shirt. I’m probably wrinkling it, but it’s better than fainting at his feet. He smells so good. I try to tell him that because he deserves to know, even if he is a bit smug about it, but I can’t. I kiss him instead. And it dissolves from a friendly kiss to something heady, giving away how much I want to be out of this dress and in his bed again.

  I whimper into his mouth when he sucks on my tongue. His hand is warm over the lace cutout over my back. I don’t know why we think we can behave and sit at a dinner table in public without sucking off each other’s faces tonight.

  Beau sets me back down, his chest rumbling with a slow laugh. “You taste like whiskey,” he whispers, still running his hand over my back. I probably should have worn something with fabric there because the touch of his fingertips is driving me crazy.

  He sweeps his hand over the curve of hair by my face. “Your coat?”

  I’m too busy staring at his lips.

  “Hey.”

  I look up dreamily, breathing in the way he smells of leather and soap.

  “It’s going to be cold out.” With his body next to mine, I doubt it, but I nod and grab my coat.

  We’re walking out of my room together when Reagan exits the kitchen. She has a cookie stuffed in her mouth, a steaming cup of tea in her hand. But her eyes—she pales when she spots me with Beau, his hand tight around my waist. I didn’t think it would bother her if anything happened between us, but the way she stands there, frozen, her eyes wide, her cheeks red, I know I was wrong.

  I glance guiltily at the rules still taped to the wall. I guess we’ll have to have a roommate meeting soon.

  I open my mouth to say something, to break this weird tension because I feel bad about Reagan’s reaction. She holds up her hand to stem me off and storms up the stairs, slamming her door. I let go of Beau’s waist, waiting for an explanation. He doesn’t give me any.

  “Maybe I should…”

  “She’s fine,” he says. “Let’s go.”

  I glance over my shoulder at Noah stomping up the stairs to Reagan’s room. Of everyone here to check on her, I wouldn’t expect him. I don’t think Noah cares much about anything, except for maybe his bromance with Beau.

  He’s not particularly charming, either, pounding on Reagan’s door, teasing her, calling her Four Eyes and Window Face. Still, I hear her door wrench open and it goes quiet. I sort of hope she knocked him out.

  As selfish as it is, I don’t want to think about roommate drama. The rest of the world can wait. I’m going to take my time for once.

  Beau

  Mati tilts her head, pursing her bright red lips as I point to the cab out front.

  “I’m not taking you on the bike when you look this gorgeous.” I draw her close and kiss the tip of her nose. I’ve seen Mati wear skirts plenty—cute dresses, even—but what she’s wearing tonight…damn. She had my heart in her hand the moment I spotted her.

  “Don’t get soft on me now, Beau.” She playfully bumps my shoulder. “You keep it up, I might think you care about me.”

  “I do,” I say without thinking.

  She pauses from climbing into the cab. “You do?”

  The cabbie is impatient and beeps the horn.

  “What else am I supposed to say to that?” I sit beside her and rattle off the address, grinning when she grabs my hand and kisses the back of it. “Of course.”

  Tonight I’m going to tell her. I decided the moment the sight of her robbed me of words because something uncomfortable shifted around in my chest. I’m not lying when I say I care about her. I do and… I tilt her face up to mine and get lost in her lips, the way her tongue moves around mine, the way her fingers play at the lines of my neck and shoulders.

  I could get caught up in how I wasted so much time figuring my shit out, but there’s no point in that. I’m falling for Mati hard. I’m not going to stop it either. I’m not going to worry about the future.

  Except the doubt starts eating at me when I lead her inside the crowded Thai restaurant. Colored Christmas lights hang from the low ceiling while people pack the picnic tables, their hands sticky from gorging on Thai wings.

  The waitress leads us to a quiet table in the corner. It’s cramped, but private at least.

  “I’m sorry it’s not someplace nicer.” I glance down at the menu, avoiding her eyes. I can’t look at Mati and admit that I failed her. I wanted our date to be special. For it to mean something.

  She peeks around us, her shoulders rounded, and then slips into her seat. “You okay tonight?”

  Not at all. I’m sweating fucking bullets. I know this shouldn’t bother me. I know that MS is my life now and, if Mati isn’t accepting of that, then she has no place in it. But damn, do I want her in it.

  “I make you nervous,” she says with a smile.

  The waitress interrupts her teasing, but I still scrunch up my face at her, denyi
ng the obvious fact that she does. Among other things. Happy and hard are close to follow.

  Mati wears a silly grin on her face as she tucks away her ID. “That’s my first legal beer.”

  She kills me.

  I push out of my seat and bend over the table, cupping her face in my hands to kiss her. And, sure, it gets a little out of hand, but I’m surprised when she breaks apart and hurries over to my side to sit in my lap.

  “I like it over here better,” she whispers into my ear, then peppers kisses over my jaw. I slip my hand under the table and push up her dress a bit so I can touch her thighs. I like the way her breathing quickens. I like that she holds on a little tighter as if we might be swept away. I feel that way, too.

  She slides off my lap when the waitress returns and sits on the bench beside me, taking a sip of her beer. “Thank you,” she says.

  I can’t stop touching her. I can’t get enough of her. “For what?” I brush back her bangs and get lost in those eyes of hers.

  “For tonight. For…” She pauses, nuzzling closer. I don’t miss the blush on her cheeks. “For being you.”

  “It took me a while to figure my shit out, Mati. And I’m sorry I hurt you, but I promise to make it up to you. I promise—”

  She shakes her head and places her fingers against my lips. “No promises. Not yet. For now, no plans.”

  A grin spreads over my lips, and it catches, mirroring Mati’s.

  “Hey, man!”

  I reluctantly pull my focus away from the girl cuddled against me. Smith stands next to the table, along with a few of my old teammates from Sutton. The jealousy that hits me is off the charts.

  I stiffen. “Hey, guys.”

  Smith peers between Mati and me, a satisfied smirk on his face for interrupting. Before he can be a jackass, I cut in, “This is Mati.” I swallow, nervously watching her reaction as I continue, “My girlfriend.”

  “No shit?” Smith is surprised. Coach likes him, but I can’t figure out why. The guy has been a pain in my ass since freshman year, and now he likes to rub it in that I don’t play for school, that I’m only an assistant coach at the arena. He helps Coach out, too, helping with practices now and then.